What skinny really feels like

The more and more I read blogs the more I notice a common theme: girls slyly hating on their bodies. No, wait, let me put that more specifically – girls who want to be thin hating on their bodies and infuriatingly placing it as a factor in their happiness.

This doesn’t start and end in the blogs I consume myself with either. I hear the same tired story when I go to see my friends from home and my friends from University. I hear it passed back and forth between my female colleagues in the office.

To me it begs the question: Why do so many females think all they need is to lose a few more pounds and suddenly a life-long happiness bomb will explode inside of them and shine outwards forevermore?

I like to think to think we’re the superior sex, so why is it then, so many of you are that delusional to think hitting a weight based target will fix everything in your life; immediately preventing anything else ever getting in the way of you being content?

I’d like to say I’m not sure, that this is all an enigma to me but, unfortunately, I do understand this way of thinking.

Yup, me. The Naturally Skinny, Tall girl.

Now before you all throw anorexic self-help guides and cheeseburgers at me (although I wouldn’t turn down the later) just hear me out.

Naturally skinny – Some may read or say those words in awe; I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told ‘I bet it feels amazing to be naturally thin.’ But for years I spat them out like venom; begrudging my overactive metabolism, rake-like bone structure and gangly limbs.

If you’re not convinced let me draw upon some personal experiences that may put to rest any argument you have against me not being normal for disliking (literally) my bony ass.

But no one says mean things to skinny girls about their weight. To put it bluntly just trust me when I say ‘Are you anorexic or what you fucking skeleton’ hurts in the exact same way as ‘Lay of the pies you fat fucking whale’ does. Surprisingly, so did all my concerned friends’ parents favourite ‘Jesus, doesn’t your mother feed you’ and social medias favourite ‘Only a dog wants a bone’.

But I bet being skinny never made her avoid a situation. It’s nearly the summer so inevitably offices all over the country are full of women worried about getting out their ‘bikini body’ during A/L. Terms like Jelly Belly are thrown about and promises to buy kaftans and only have pictures of your face are made. While I’m not currently as self-concious as I used to be, when I was younger and skinnier I experienced the exact same fear but for the opposite reason and religiously dodged swimming because of it. On the same note, I’ve wanted to train for a (half!) marathon since I was 18 but put it off for fear of loosing what little chub I have. Stupid eh.

But skinny girls can wear whatever they want. I wish more than anything this were true. Right now for example I’m crushing over ripped boyfriend jeans but will they suit me? Most certainly not. The truth is it’s confidant girls can wear whatever they want. Picture this:

On my 20th birthday my friends and I hit the streets of Birmingham. Midi skirts were taking us all by storm and I wanted in so I asked my perfectly sculpted best friend where hers was from. ‘So and so – but you won’t find one to fit you’ she retorted. What!? Excuse me!? She may as well have punched me in the face – it would have hurt less. A few days after I went out and brought a Midi Skirt anyway. (That FYI was a size eight and did fit). Was I able to do that because I would look ‘better’ for gaining weight rather than losing it? No! I did it because I wanted to wear what I fucking wanted, when I fucking wanted. Being able to do that comes from within not your BMI.

But skinny girls don’t have to be ashamed of their clothes labels. Well I can’t speak for us all, but this one does. Remember that backlash the whole world teamed up to take on size zero? Well around that time it was essentially my size. I was in my GCSE years and forever struggling to find jeans which suited and fitted me. Discovering a pair I didn’t have to string up with a belt was like gold dust. Anyway, I did once find a pair I adored. (From ASDA of all places; I’m a bargain hunter through and through.) Whenever I wore them I was complimented and one girls comments in particular made me feel all empowered inside until she asked me what size they were. ‘A four’ I shrugged. ‘A FOUR! Oh Em Gee that’s a size Zero! Charlotte you really do need to eat more’. My heart sunk. I felt as though a knife had been stabbed into my gut. I wanted to take off my jeans and burn them. I didn’t though; instead I cut out the label. A tip I had read in Victoria Beckham’s book; she wanted to teach girls dressing for your size is better than caring about the label inside. And it is.

But skinny girls get to eat whatever they want. Ok, ok. You got me. I can’t argue my way outta this one. This is THE perk of being naturally skinny but it has in the past made me (stupidly and maybe selfishly) feel a little stuck. Stuck in the same way I imagine countless fad diets failing make a girl who wants to be slimmer feel. Yes, I probably could eat a Big Mac every day for a week without a sliver of body fat to show for it but it doesn’t mean I was happy with my figure.

It was torture to already eat more than everyone you know but feel as though only when you reach 8 stone will you finally be a ‘worldie’. Worse was that when I reached eight stone I immediately wanted to be 8 1/2 then 9st.. So when I talk of blindly marching towards a weight goal and it not being able to instantly improve your life, I’d say I’m qualified to do so.

What has became obvious to me is that every single girl no matter her shape or size has the same insecurity and is subject to the same criticisms; they’re just packaged in a different way, or rather, they come as a result of being packaged in a different way.

No-ones body can change overnight, nor can anyone morph into a shape they wasn’t born to be. You can turn Atkins into your bible or down protein shakes like it’s Sambuca but essentially we are all bound by our bone structure. (Seriously, when even the Daily Mail Online says so, it must be true).

What I want anyone reading this to remember is that being skinny is not all it is cracked up to be and it is not Skinny that feels good; it is probably not Curvy that feels good. It is Confidence. So build yours up in whatever way works for you and do not let anyone take it away. It’s unattainable for your confidence to be consistent and that’s ok but make sure you have some bottled up inside to fend off any unassuming critics, especially if that critic becomes you.